Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Fetish (First Published July 2006)

As I listen to women and men worry and complain again and again about some minor flaw or blemish that they feel has some major impact on their desirability even while being embraced by the man or woman who loves them, I am forced to wonder why their perceived flaws do not negatively impact their attractiveness to those who love them? If they are as unnatractive as they perceive themselves to be then why are their lovers attracted to them? The answer however lies directly in the question itself. It is precisely because they are loved that their physical flaws go unnoticed. In myself I have noticed an even more bizarre phenomenon. When I am in love with a woman I am apt to focus only on her most desirable features often to the point of obsession and sometimes even the very feature I may have once seen as a flaw becomes the focal point of my obsession. It becomes a sort of fetish object.

My very first serious girlfriend had enormous breasts. She was a 40D as I recall. For years afterward women with large breasts became an obsession and it often mattered very little what the rest of them looked like. All I could see were their breasts. I remember a woman saying to me one day, "I don't know what you see in me. I'm so fat!" I looked at her and became dimly aware that she was in fact quite large. I had never noticed it before that moment and found that it still mattered very little to me. All that mattered was that she had perhaps the largest breasts I had ever seen. Not an unusual fetish as these things go but then I am just getting started.

The next woman I fell in love with was completely opposite, small breasts, large ass, and a slight belly. That ass and that belly became my fetish objects. Her ass was her best feature and so it was not surprising that I would obsess over it, but her paunch was something she was personally ashamed of. As I fell deeper in love with her I began to see her belly as every bit as sexy as that calypigian. I would kiss and rub her belly obsessed with the smoothness and roundness of it. To me it was just another curve and as such was every bit as sexually stimulating as my first girlfriend's breasts. To take it even further, after we broke up I sought out women with similar little bellies. My love for her had turned her belly into a fetish object.

The next woman I fell in love with had neither large breasts nor a large ass. What she did have was size. She was five foot eleven inches tall with broad shoulders and a strong almost masculine jaw. She was intimidating to say the least. People would tell me that she was atleast as intimidating as I was. After her I became obsessed with strong amazonian women. I use to say that I wanted women with "scars on their knuckles". While most men I knew were fantasizing about "lipstick lesbians" I was going after the butchest women I could find. My friends began to give me curious looks wondering why all the women I dated looked like men. This lasted right up until I dated a female bodybuilder who was so muscular I eventually got grossed out by it.

One of my longest lasting love affairs was with a woman with unusually large hips. Rubbing, biting, or just grabbing her hips was gauranteed to get me instantly arroused. As she struggled to lose weight in an attempt to conform to the American media's standard of beauty, I would lay awake at night fantasizing about those hips. I am still obsessed with women with large hips. Even thinking about them now causes that familiar stirring in the loins. When my wife got pregnant and her hips began to widen I couldn't have been more delighted.

I have been obsessed with short women, tall women, slender women and chubby women at one time or another. I have been obsessed with everything from a woman's eyes to her walk to her voice. Love has the power to turn almost anything into an object of obsession.

My first wife had a wide nose and that became my fetish object. When I decided to date my current wife her nose was one of the deciding factors. She too has a wide nose. She hates it but to me it is one of the most beautiful things about her. I could kiss and bite her nose forever. She also has the most perfect nipples I've ever seen. When she talks about breast feeding causing her breasts to sag I look at them and all I can see are those gorgeous nipples and her breasts still look beautiful to me.

I look at my wife and I see her wide nose, her little belly, her hips widened by pregnancy, her perfect nipples, and my newest fetish... the longest most curvaceous legs you've ever seen, and she just looks gorgeous to me. That's what real love does, at least for me. It not only blinds me to little physical imperfections but it even turns those little imperfections into objects of worship. It narrows my focus to only those things about my inamorata that are beautiful so that I can see nothing else but her perfect breasts or lips or eyes or ass or legs or nose.

My wife often jokes with me about how odd my aesthetic appreciation for women is. "You like ugly girls," as she puts it. The truth is that I have never loved an ugly woman. I have dated women who fit the modern standards of beauty yet if I was not in love with them it was not unusual for me to leave a woman who looked like a model for a short chubby girl with wide hips and a big ass who makes me laugh all the time. In every woman there is something beautiful and in the woman I love I can see only that beauty. And if someone claims to love you and they can't look past your weight or your small breasts or your skinny legs then they don't really love you.

I hate turning on a talk show and hearing some idiot complaigning about his wife's weight or how she needs a boob job or how he wishes she looked more like some model or actress. That is not love. When you really love someone they become your ideal. They become flawless in your eyes. If your man isn't attracted to you anymore because your body has changed as you have gotten older or after you have born him children then I suggest to you that you are with the wrong man. The problem is not with you. True, it is in a man's nature to resent changes in the women we love. We often see you as perfect when we met you and take it as some sort of betrayal everytime you stray even slightly from how you looked or acted on the day we first said, "I love you." Women always want you to change and men never want you to change. It is who we are. But love mediates that. When you love your woman deeply enough you incorporate each fluctuation in her body weight or age into a new aesthetic. You want to grow old with her, as I want to grow old with my wife, and every new ripple and wrinkle only adds to her beauty.


Lauren said...

Aw! :-) I've said it before and I'll say it again:

If there were more men like you in the world, I might consider getting married. You give me hope that not all men are idiotic pigs looking for the next "top model". Your wife is a lucky woman.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

awwwww.. that's sooo cute... men like u are soo hard to find.. which is why i absolutely adore my boyfriend... he adores everything about me

Liz d said...

aww, wrath, you're just a gentle giant. and i remember how sweet you were to me in HK.
never change!


Anonymous said...

she may not be what the tv considers beauty to be skinny little sluts but thaT image is fake
its easy to me to see what a real woman should be and I love every one of your perfect imperfections and flawless mistakes.