If you've read some of my more erotic horror stories, you may have come away with a very distorted image of my sexuality. In fact, you probably think I'm one twisted motherfucker. Perhaps you've read Succulent Prey or The Book of A Thousand Sins, then saw me with my wife and were tempted to slip her a note saying something like:
"Dear Mrs. White,
Run! Run far far away. Your husband is a psycho!
A concerned reader"
You might think my wife must be either crazy, oblivious or as perverted as you imagine me to be for sharing a bed with me. You probably think I'm only turned on by women with whips and chains who dress like strippers, fuck like porn stars and have the sexual appetite and proclivities of a serial killer. The reality, however, is somewhat more mundane.
So, you want to know what really turns me on? I won't get into detailed descriptions of sexual positions but I will tell you what I find attractive:
1. Voluptuous women i.e. thick hips, thighs, breasts, and buttocks. That's one thing that was real in Succulent Prey. I like women with meat on them. I just don't chew it off their bones, because that would be wrong. Wouldn't it?
2. White girls with dreadlocks. Something about Angelina Jolie in The Fast and The Furious just did it for me.
3. Women who fight. Not street fight. I'm talking about boxing, kickboxing, or MMA. There is just something kick-ass about a woman who kicks ass.
4. Women in black latex or leather. Okay, I guess that's a little kinky but have you ever felt latex against bare skin? Oh. My. God.
5. That fresh from the bath smell. Aaaah, it just drives me crazy.
6. A big joyous smile especially before, during and after sex.
7. Women who read. It's a plus if you read my writing.
8. Women who are interested in philosophy.
9. Visual artists (but only if you're good. Bad art is a major turn off.)
10. Writers. But only if you write well and write the kind of books that I actually like to read. Writing cat detective novels will do nothing for me. If you write horror I might cum just by looking at you.
11. Creative individuals of all types.
12. Open-minded and sexually adventurous women. Having a sexy mind is better than having a sexy body. I would take a freaky Paula Poundstone over a prudish Halle Barry.
13. Enthusiasm! The more you like it, the more I like it.
14. Atheists. There is something sexy about intellectual clarity.
15. Generosity. The more you give the more I want to give to you. (And baby, I got lots to give.)
16. Liberals. I just find an open mind sexy in and out of the bedroom. Being conservative about anything turns me off. Besides the fact that most political conservatives that I know are religious nutcases, homophobes, sexists, or racists. And I know that not all of you are so don't write to tell me how you are the exception. I know, you're just a "Fiscal Conservative" which essentially means "I don't want those poor, elderly, handicapped, and minority Americans getting any of my money!" But, as Bill Maher said, "I'm not saying that all Republicans are racists but if you're a racist, you're probably a Republican."
17. Educated women. I don't care if you have a degree in underwater basketweaving. If you hold a college degree then you ma'am are hot.
And no, it is not necessary for a woman to be all of these things. I don't need to eat everything on the menu. Just a main course and perhaps a desert. My wife isn't all of these things and she's hot as hell. So, if you've got one thing from the above menu going for you then rest assured that Wrath James White thinks you are a hottie.